I did things like count the number of steps I took, the number of times I touched something and pretty much counted the number of times that I did anything. It was as if I was just waiting for something bad to happen and the anxiety would keep me awake all night. This resulted in me turning lights on and off, locking and re-locking my doors and windows, and checking outside my room over and over again. It was usually that I would either get kidnapped while asleep or that my house would burn down in flames. I’ve spent way too many of my nights awake and paralyzed in panic because I was so convinced that the worst things would happen to me at night. I’ve constantly had a panic in my mind that there is something wrong with me. This resulted in me going to pretty much every type of doctor possible.

I googled diseases and illnesses constantly to see if I could possibly have one. These fears led to constant rituals that I had to do to try to ease the anxiety that they were causing me. Fears that I was going to die, fears that I had a brain tumor, fears that I was going blind, fears that I had diabetes, fears that I would be kidnapped, fears that my house would burn down, fears of people, fears that I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough or I wasn’t smart enough, fears of failure and fears that I had no future. Instead of hanging out with friends, having fun, or even being able to study and focus on school, my days were spent worrying about one thing after another.

I never felt like I was a normal kid and I never felt as if I could fit in anywhere.

Since a very young age I always felt as if there was something “different” and “wrong” with me. I think I’ve always known that I live with these conditions, but it wasn’t until last year that I decided to do something about it. This past year I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety and depression. My Battle and Triumph over OCD, Anxiety and Depression.

Ocd with even numbers